5/16/08

Poker


Here is my best poker story:

I was in Tucson with all my boys the night that UofA lost a 14 point lead to Illinois in the last 2 minutes of a basketball game. They tricked me and took me up to Tens to get some boobies in my face. I didn't want to go because I have seen what strippers do to guys getting married and I wasn't with it but after a few rum and cokes I was for whatever. So we get to the hotel room and play some poker waiting for more strippers who never showed up. It didn't matter because Texas hold'em took over.

Rick bluffs on the very first hand claiming he is pocketing deuces and there is a 2 in the flop. Turns out he wasn't lying. About 10 hands later, Rick says, "Yall don't want to see me pocketing these 7's". Well I am holding a pair of 7's so I know Rick is lying. I start talking shit to get Rick to add more money to the pot. Rick and I get into a whos-got-bigger-balls contest. We swell the pot to a ridiculous amount. Everybody folds except me, Rick and my future brother-in-law. So finally it is time to show our cards. I throw down my 7's and jump up talking all kinds of shit. Rick starts laughing and then throws down a pair of 10's. There is a 10 in the flop. So his three 10's beat my three 7's.

I have egg all over my face.

Rick reaches for the pot, but guess who gets a flush on the river? Mark, my future brother-in-law, the rat bastard. Cracks me and Rick for more than half our chip count instigating this awesome beef between me and Rick.

It gets better.

Mark keeps talking wild shit about how he has chip lead. I say:

"You only have a 14 point lead. There are still 2:00 minutes left in this game partna. Fuck Tucson! Illinois in this bitch!"

This sends Mark into a fit of rage and he starts playing with emotion. He keeps trying to wipe me out in one hand. Betting wild as hell. 10 minutes later... Mark is going home at about 6am. Rick and I end up facing off. We play until 9am and Rick has caught up with my chip count. We get down to what would be the last hand. Rick has 3 queens. He feels there is no way I can beat him. I go all in. He freezes. He has no idea how I can be so cocky based on what he sees at the table. We wake up Angel to witness this epic bluff. Rick looks at me for about 3 minutes. I deliver a speech that puts it all in perspective for Rick. What kind of man are you? You can warrior up and battle or you can run and fight another day. You can call my bluff and win... or tuck tail and run. Queen is the highest card in the flop and he has 2 in his hand. He realizes there is only one hand that can beat him.

A flush.

He calls my bluff and I bust his ass.

I gave Rick the $145 pot as a way of saying thanks for a night of titties and poker. Best night ever....

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